Day 16, Holt, Mich.

HOLT, Mich. -- The journey comes to its end.

We left Milwaukee on the Lake Express at lunch time, and two hours later docked in Muskegon, Mich. The boat is an excellent way to avoid Chicago sprawl and enjoy a leisurely trip from points west to the Michigan peninsula.

We were all delighted to see the old homestead, but equally sad as our adventure is over. It brought us:

• Nearly 4,500 miles
• Hundreds of buffalo
• 35 episodes of Alf
• Countless hotel breakfasts
• Dozens of national parks and monuments
• Several geysers
• Lots of mountains
• A bunch of big rivers
• Too many times through Taio Cruz
• Three water slides
• One alpine slide
• One Great Salt Lake
• Thousands of memories
• And one BIG THANK YOU!

Thank you, Grandma and Granddad, for the trip of our lives!

Day 15, Milwaukee

MILWAUKEE -- Baseball in Brewtown!

Brewers vs. Padres at beautiful Miller Park in downtown Milwaukee, where the fans wear Packers gear and tailgate before the game. Even during a thunderstorm. It was the first rain we've seen, and it was impressive. But the game goes on, because Miller Park has a retractable roof over a beautiful grass field.

The closed roof must affect ball flight, because between the two teams they hit three home runs in the first inning. It was 3-0 after the Padres half of the first, and 3-2 after the Brewers batted. The closed roof also, unfortunately, affects the temperature and humidity inside the stadium. It was stifling, so we only made it through to the fourth inning. But we enjoyed the small-town feel of this major-league venue. Everyone, from vendors and ticket-takers to fans and ushers, was friendly beyond belief. They all encouraged us to "enjoy the game." Perhaps that's because the Brewers are terrible.

Day 14, La Crosse, Wisc.

LA CROSSE, Wisc. -- From the Badlands to the flatlands ...

It's good to be back to the Great Midwest, but today's highlights were few: we drove by the 60-foot statue of the Jolly Green Giant in Blue Earth, Minn., and enjoyed the odor of Spam for several miles after passing the Hormel factory and the Spam Museum in Austin, Minn. No joke -- the entire town smelled like Spam. Just lovely.

Perhaps the grand highlight was crossing the Mississippi River into La Crosse. Even this far north, the great river is majestic, wide and a sight to behold. Looking out from the bridge taking us out of Minnesota into Wisconsin, one can just imagine Huck and Jim manuevering their raft through the muddy water toward Hannibal, Mo., and points south. Alas, if only we could have torn the children away from their Nintendo DS's long enough to behold it.

Day 13, Sioux Falls, S.D.

SIOUX FALLS, S.D. -- "Baby you can drive my car" ... because we need another driver.

Lots of car time today as we have begun the long push for home. Two highlights: we toured the world-famous (because they say it is) Wall Drug in Wall, S.D. They begin advertising this massive store about 300 miles before you arrive. And the signs say you can get just about anything there, from free ice and water to a 5-cent cup of coffee and free donuts for veterans. It has a large cafeteria, huge t-shirt selection, jewelry, cameras, candy, restrooms and yes, even an active phramacy. Despite all the hype, the children were less than impressed.

Second stop, several hours later, was at the "world's only" -- again, because they say it is -- Corn Palace. This place was hokey -- and certainly "corny" -- but actually kind of fun. The ornate building is extensively decorated with ears of corn, corn silk and other corn products. It's really a gymnasium for local high school basketball teams, but they trick it out with all kinds of stuff and show a movie (an offering that is ubiquitous for tourist attractions on the prairie). They set up a huge flea market on the gym floor, with just about anything you can imagine related to corn -- corn trays, corn-shaped candles, corn holders, corncob jelly, t-shirts and hats with corny slogans, corncob-shaped caramel corn, corn on the cob that turns into popcorn on the cob when you heat it, but no actual corn -- and, strangely, no corn cob pens. Hmm. That may be an opportunity for yours truly ...

The day ended with a visit with the Whites, friends from Michigan who relocated to Sioux Falls in 2009. We were delighted to see they have landed on their feet -- and delighted to learn there is an actual waterfall in Sioux Falls.

Day 12, Rapid City, S.D.

RAPID CITY, S.D. -- "There are four faces on Mt. Rushmore, carved in a mountain of stone/Men who lived and died for a nation, giants in a land all their own" (New Christy Minstrels).

It's true, there ARE four faces on Mt. Rushmore, and they are larger than life, just like the four presidents they were carved to memorialize. But after you've seen those four faces from five or six different vantage points, it all seems kind of the same. Certainly a cool venue, a great cafetiera and the best souvenirs we've encountered.

So we viewed the four faces from the President's Walkway, and from the Sculptor's Studio, and several points in between an beyond -- including the side of a distant mountain we reached by chairlift. We also viewed the incomplete visage of an important Native American leader, Crazy Horse, at the native's version of Mt. Rushmore. I must confess I didn't get it at first. The sculpture is far from complete -- basically just a face. A face that I completely missed for about the first 30 minutes of our visit. The sculpture is a work in progress, and up until 1987 sculptors focused on finishing the horse Crazy Horse is depicted on. Then in 1987, the sculptor's widow directed the team to focus on finishing the face. So there is a doorway-shaped hole in the mountain just beneath the face, which will become part of Crazy Horse's arm. The hole is all yours truly could see, until someone pointed out the sculpture's nose. So it took me a while to appreciate the $27 we spent to enter and view a hole in the mountain.

We then moved onto the venue Joe was really interested in -- the Presidential Slide in Keystone, S.D. We were summarily transported up the side of a mountain on a chairlift, with plastic sleds in tow -- for the return trip. Basically a plastic toboggan run back down the mountainside. Joe took the fast lane and loved the whole thing. We finished the day with another three hours in the waterpark, and I am convinced that when people ask the kids what they remember about the trip, it will be the six million times they went down the waterslides.

Day 11, Rapid City, S.D.

RAPID CITY, S.D. -- A weird and unusual landform is overshadowed by a weird and unusual human activity.

The Devil's Tower is a 1,000-foot anomaly in the high plains of eastern Wyoming, towering over the scrub like the mashed-potato model Richard Dreyfuss made in "Close Encounters of the Third Kind." Geolgists believe the odd landform is the remains of an ancient volcano. Magma was forced upward into a layer of sedimentary rock as many as 50 million years ago. The softer sedimentary rock eroded over the millenia, exposing the harder volacnic rock below, and leaving the monolithic Devil's Tower for people of the 21st century to marvel at. Unless you are 12 and 10, and then climbing on the boulder field around the tower is way more interesting.

Devil's Tower

Along I-90 en route to Devil's Tower we observed another geological anomaly: a series of rocks in the highway median that looked exactly like a giant herd of poodles had used the area as a litter box.

After a brief stop at Devil's Tower we continued east to what is easily the most commercial stop on our quest -- Rapid City, home to Mount Rushmore, along with mini golf, chairlift mega-slides, a water park and every one of the national restaurant chains (Applebee's, Olive Garden, Chili's, Arby's, McDonald's, etc., etc., etc.).

The waterpark was a huge hit with the kids, who spent three hours running up 70 stairs to spend about 30 seconds careening back down in a water-filled tube. And in the waterpark, I was struck yet again at one of the universe's most inexplicable questions: why do ugly people continually seek to make themselves uglier with tattoos and piercings?

Day 10, Sheridan, Wyoming

SHERIDAN, Wyo., August 15, 2010 -- Another trip back in time, another brilliant commander -- but this time, the commander's brilliance gets the best of him.

The Little Big Horn National Monument provided us a sobering glimpse of yet another of our country's skeletons in the closet -- our eradication of the Indian way of life. We toured the site of Custer's Last Stand, and heard the story of our country's second-youngest major general, a storied Indian fighter whose success and confidence on the battlefield was his undoing. Custer was impulsive, and was known for a "sixth sense" on the battlefield -- an uncanny ability to read the ebb and flow of fighting and take advantage of the enemy's moment of weakness. That ability served him well, until he met Sitting Bull and a battalion of Lakota, Cherokee and Arapaho braves fighting desperately to preserve their way of life. In this battle -- his last, as it turned out -- Custer mis-read the situation and set himself up for a cataclysmic defeat.

We were sobered by the monuments, especially one marking the mass grave of enlisted men who died on that fateful Sunday afternoon. We were sobered by the monument commemorating the Indian tribes who fought -- three against the U.S. forces, two alongside -- in a striking memorial full of native symbolism. We were astounded by the enthusiasm and knowledge of our tour guide, an art professor from Temple College in Temple, Texas, who -- because of an intense interest in Custer's Last Stand -- has spent the last 21 summers leading tours at the monument. And Joe was particularly enthralled. As he said, "It's amazing that I am even here."

The road led us to the "#1 Western Town in America" -- Sheridan, Wyo. Which is #1 because they say it is.

All day we've been sharing the road with Harley riders leaving the Sturgis event. Here's hoping that they all make it home tonight. Great folks, but I for one am tired of listening to the roar of their hogs.

Day 9, Bozeman, Mont.

BOZEMAN, Mont., August 14, 2010 -- Thanksgiving came early, because today was a feast -- for the eyes, that is. A bountiful cornucopia of images in the Great Northwest.

From a chilly start -- 46 degrees -- we headed into Yellowstone National Park while enjoying a stunning view of the Grand Tetons, which looked much like shark teeth against the sunrise. Yellowstone -- the granddaddy of them all -- did not disappoint.

We saw wildlife of all kinds -- deer, elk, chipmunks and a 200-head herd of buffalo. We were delayed about 10 minutes while we waited for a park ranger to convince an enormous buffalo bull to get out of the roadway. We even watched the human animal engage in an exotic and inexplicable behavior known locally as "fly fishing."

We witnessed the earth's heartburn -- geothermal activity. We watched the world's most famous geyser, Old Faithful, blow its stack, albeit about 10 minutes later than predicted. Maybe not so faithful after all. We watched a geothermal stew roil and churn at the Mud Vocano, which smelled a whole lot like Buffalo -- New York, that is. We saw innumerable and indistinct geysers sending vast plumes of white steam skyward.

We saw water. We sat on the shore of the stunning Yellowstone Lake, a glacial lake with water as clear and cold as Superior's. And we enjoyed -- or perhaps endured -- a stunning yet harrowing journey from West Yellowstone to Bozeman, Mont., along the Gallatin River valley, which reminded me of Route 14 in upstate New York, out of Watkins Glen toward the race track and Corning -- but on steroids. I was sobered by a sign just beyond the hamlet of Big Sky, Mont., that reported we were entering an "accident reduction zone." It seems a local group has adopted the responsibility for denoting traffic fatalities with white crosses where they happened. There we no less than two dozen white crosses in the "accident reduction zone." Needless to say, I held down our speed.

It's all topped off by our arrival in heaven -- the Residence Inn in Bozeman, where they had sold all the small rooms and were forced to upgrade us to a two-room suite. "Suite" indeed!

Corner Faily Western Adventure at the Midpoint

IDAHO FALLS, Idaho, August 13, 2010 -- The trip is at the midpoint, so here are some of the "bests" we've encountered. Totally my opinions.

BEST SIGHT: The Great Salt Lake.

SECOND BEST SIGHT: Craters of the Moon.

MOST INSPIRING: Lincoln's Tomb.

BEST MEAL: The Pitmaster at Smokin' Dave's Barbecue in Estes Park, Colo.

BEST BEER: Fat Tire (New Belgium Brewing Company).

BEST HOTEL: SpringHill Suites, Vernal, Utah. Just like the W in New Orleans.

BEST C-STORE: Kum-n-Go, Iowa, Nebraska and Colorado. Always has Diet Mountain Dew. Plus a great name.

MOST FUN: Despicable Me from the roof of the car.

Day 8, Idaho Falls, Idaho

IDAHO FALLS, Idaho, August 13, 2010 -- Houston, the Corner Family has landed -- at Craters of the Moon National Monument.

We had designs on the Million Dollar Cowboy Bar in Jackson, Wyo., but the drive time was excessive. So we amended our flight plan and set our coordinates for the moon instead -- just west of Arco, Idaho.

The lunar landscape comes down to earth at this weird and exotic location In southern Idaho, where a volcano erupted about 2,000 years ago spewing lava over an 18-mile area. Today there is plenty of pahoehoe and aa to be seen over a bizarreand fascinating landscape. We scaled a volcaniccone and looked into the crater, 6,000 feet above sea level, then climbed into and underground cave left behind by molten magma 20 decades ago. All the barren grey-black rock was unearthly.

The Devils Orchard and Craters of the Moon National Monument

Day 7, Layton, Utah

LAYTON, Utah August 12, 2010 -- The Great Salt Lake is truly great. But it smells like a dairy farm.

For yet another day we drove through dramatic mountain countryside, stopping for lunch in the quaint mountain hamlet of Heber City, Utah, then continued on into the Salt Lake City metroplex. We saw the Olympic Ski Jump from the highway, then made landfall on one of the west's most unique phemomena: the Great Salt Lake.

Google tells us that the "Great" Salt Lake would be just a drop in Lake Superior, but it was stunning nonetheless. We visited the lake at the site of the former Saltair Resort, which in its heyday appears to have been quite the venue. Alas, its best days are well behind it, and the current Saltair has been reduced to a rather inadequate gift shop and concert venue. But from the pictures one can tell that in its day, it was one happening place.

Saltair Pavilion c. 1900 (Wikipedia)

From the Saltair parking lot we ventured across a large "beach" covered with grey, salt-infused sand and dipped our feet into the lake. The picture above shows the water right up against the pavilion. In 2010, it has receded by a good 300 yards. The water was surprisingly warm. The saltiness didn't really hit us until our feet dried and we were coated with a salty crust. But the odor was just short of overwhelming. When I worked for Rossman, I once had the opportunity to visit a dairy farm with 4,000 head of cattle. The stench of that farm was equivalent to the smell we encountered on the shore of the Great Salt Lake.
 
Beyond that, Salt Lake City is just another large American city. Tomorrow: Jackson Hole.

Day 6, Vernal, Utah

VERNAL, Utah, August 11, 2010 -- Michigan may be the only place on Earth where you can go from Hell to Paradise in the same day, but it turns out the middle of nowhere is in western Colorado. After leaving Steamboat Springs, we headed west through the kind of rugged, beige-colored landscape you see in old Westerns, and headed west ... and headed west ... and headed west ... and never seemed to get anywhere.

We went through the "town" of Maybell, Colo., and I actually saw a sign -- posted by the government -- that said "last gas for 57 miles." We drove for at least an hour through some of the most dramatic, rugged, interesting landscape you'll find anywhere -- and never saw another human being. We skirted the edge of a thunderstorm that developed under the Big Sky, and both Nancy and I enjoyed the unique experience of having to wear sunglasses under bright sunshine while the wipers removed rain from the windshield.

Before that, we had one of the best days yet at none other than the world-famous Steamboat ski resort. We rode the gondola up to 9,100 feet and hiked a mountain trail. Then the boys enjoyed a series of unusual activities. Joe bounced on a bungee cord-assisted trampoline that propelled him at least 20 feet in the air. He had designs on turning flips and other acrobatics, but as he said when he got up there, "It's higher than you think, Dad." Thomas and I worked our way through a ropes course that challenged our balance, arm strength and fear of heights.

After our three hours in the middle of nowhere, we landed in the quaint town of Vernal, which bills itself as the Dinosaur Capital of the World. (Because they have found lots of dinosaur bones and fossils in the area, not because there are any actual dinosaurs. Although I'm not sure about the old lady I rode up with on the elevator. She looked pretty scaly.) Dinosaur National Monument, however, was a bust. The only place to actually see dinosaur fossils is at the Visitors Center, which is under renovation and closed until 2011.

And the interior of the Springhill Suites here looks just like the W Hotel in New Orleans. Very cool. In Utah!

Joe explores the stratosphere.

C-store or something more?

Wasn't sure what to expect when I went in this place.

Day 5, Steamboat Springs, Colo.

STEAMBOAT SPRINGS, Colo., August 10, 2010 -- The view from 13,000 feet above sea level is spectacular.

We ventured south from Cheyenne, Wyo., to Rocky Mountain National Park in Colorado to continue the Corner Family Tour of National Parks. The 40-plus mile drive from 5,000 feet above sea level to the top of North America was riveting. The precarious two-lane road took us past spectacular vistas, alpine lakes, mountain goats and moose up to 12,755 feet above the ocean where we enjoyed a soft drink at what must be the highest cafe on the continent. Both boys were dizzy from the thin air, and breathing was difficult. At our highest point the air temperature was 55 degree and there was a strong wind chill.

We all now understand what "purple mountains majesty" really means. Although none of us knew why the mountains appear purple.


On the return trip we dipped our hands in a mountain lake at the Continental Divide, and were surprised it was only as cold as Lake Huron. We stopped twice to observe moose eating leaves off trees, one mama moose not morethan 30 feet from the road. The fact that about 50 people were watching her didn't bother her a bit.

After leaving the park we continued on to Steamboat Springs and enjoyed dinner at a local pub with two candidates for county sheriff. Today is primary day in Colorado, and both were prepared to celebrate a victory. We don't know who won that race, but were fascinated to see (1) there was a candidate for state house with the last name of "Schitter" (we're not sure how it's pronounced); (2) at least two candidates for office had earned 0 percent of the vote, meaning -- we surmise -- that they didn't even vote for themselves; and (3) in the race of Slinger vs. Finger, Slinger won.

P.S. We're seeing lots of people out here dressed as cowboys, especially in Wyoming. While I have no doubt some of them are actual cowboys, I doubt all of them are. Which makes me wonder why, if they're not cowboys, why the stetsons and boots? I like hockey, but I don't run around town in my CCM helmet and skates.

Day 4, Cheyenne, Wyo.

CHEYENNE, Wyoming August 9, 2010 -- Watched a dramatic sunset over the Rocky Mountains from the Springhill Suites parking lot in this capital city of Wyoming. We closed out Nebraska as unending fields of corn give way to acres upon acres of sunflowers. Sunflowers as far as the eye could see, and that was a long way. We lost the heat somewhere west of North Platte, Neb., cruised through the Badlands and actually had to wear sweatshirts to dinner. Got to Cheyennemid-afternoon and found it kind of seedy, kind of dirty, populated by ne'er-do-wells and even though small in population, everything is packed tightly together. Reminds me of Lansing about 15 years ago. Downtown on the verge of renewal, the new fighting to poke through the seamly old.

Today's highlights: mini golf while Air Force pilots practiced takes-offs and landings of big ol' bombers right over our heads. Half-time diversion after 18 of 36 holes was playing with five-week-old chocolate Cocker Spaniel puppies outside the Putt Hutt. We followed that up with a dip in the hot tub and dinner at Shadows Micro Brewery in downtown Cheyenne, in a converted railroad depot. Think Clara's meets North Peak Brewing Company. Great beer, good pizza and a good time. Nightcap: The Spy Next Door in the room.

Not much of a day, perhaps, but all done under the western sky in the shadow of the Rocky Mountains. There's just something different about the sky out here: more colorful, more clear, more dramatic. Look to the east, it's raining under a leaden sky; then to the west, the sun shines brilliantly. Contrasted with a typical Lansing grey, it's quite the sight.

Tomorrow the sightseeing begins again at Steamboat Springs.

Day 3, Kearney, Neb. -- August 8, 2010

KEARNEY, Neb. August 8 2010 -- An entire day in the car and we only got halfway across Nebraska. Thank the Good Lord for air conditioning, because the car thermometer hit 101 degrees. Last trip like this I took was in a vintage 1970s Volkswagen Bus with no air conditioning and plastic seats. But the temperature was the same.

Two thoughts from today: (1) I have never seen so much corn. I always knew the Cornhuskers played for Nebraska, but had no appreciation for why that was relevant. Got it now. Corn as far as the eye can see, and farther -- in Iowa and Nebraska. (2) Omaha is a really big city. Really. Lots of pavement, lots of arenas, lots going on. A place on the move, a place someone could live. At some point maybe not so far in the future, it will equal Detroit in population -- and exceed it in hope for the future. Enough making fun of the heartland.

Day 2: Springfield, Ill.

SPRINGFIELD, Illinois August 7 2010 -- Today's destination: the Abraham Lincoln Museum and Library. Thomas was totally engaged from the first moment, absorbing everything he could. I was inspired by the enduring wisdom and strength of our nation's most important president. I was surpirised and heartened to learn that Lincoln was reviled and roundly criticized by his contemporaries. His time was at least as difficult as the current environment, as he dealt with our nation's most divisive issue: slavery. At the time, no one was happy with his decisions. But with the 20/20 vision of hindsight, history has clearly shown that he was exactly the right man for the job. He deftly led the nation where it needed to go, and set in motion the opportunity for America to achieve its greatest heights. Most inspiring.

Then we went to Iowa. A state I have been making fun of for years. And found it to be almost exactly the same as where we live.

Day 1, Corner Family Western Adventure

HOLT, Michigan August 6, 2010 -- The Corner Family loaded up the borrowed Chryslter minivan and headed out for the Classic American Family Western Road Trip. First stop: Springfield, Ill., and the Tomb of Abraham Lincoln. The burial site of our nation's greatest president was a sobering yet inpsiring stop. We were moved by the memorial, and eagerly anticipated learning more about the man and his times.

We concluded the evening with a Classic American Night at the Movies: viewing "Despicable Me" at an old-time drive-in theater in Springfield. Joe and I sat on the roof and watched. The movie was hilarious, and the experience priceless.